remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I skipped work to stalk him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
