New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
