Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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