what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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