Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
