i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
