i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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