I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
