So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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