i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
