But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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