We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
