Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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