I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
