put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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