Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
