So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
