My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
