You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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