I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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