RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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