check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
