did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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