Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she peed on how many people?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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