I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
