when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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