Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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