i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
