Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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