im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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