what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
