I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize