I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
