I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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