The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
