Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
