Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Randomize
