Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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