do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
