I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
