I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
