Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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