I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
