I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
