She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
