the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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