the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
