party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
