i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
smell my finger.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
