I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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