omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
