apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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