did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
