her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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