FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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