it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.