I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?