Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.