if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
