I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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