Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
