Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
