Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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