We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
