Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
